You could use several adjectives for my cycle jersey collection: 'varied', 'eclectic', 'childish', 'colourful' or (my wife's favourite) 'excessive' - I certainly seem to have a desire to fill my hanging rail with eye-catching, stretchy lycra. It started with Foska, an Irn Bru number back when I rediscovered cycling in my late 30s, and it sort of burgeoned from there.
Since then, I've been a sucker for a bright jersey and have worn many items that clash with the notion of self-respect. Some brands are fleetingly popular, some wonderfully iconic, but few are globally recognisable - much like some of the pro-peloton sponsors. Who'd really heard of Mapei before Pantani, Molteni before Merckx or Sky before Wiggins (just kidding about the last one).
One global brand that really stands out and spans generations is Sesame Street. I grew up saying 'zee' instead of 'zed', still sing the songs I heard week in and week out, and still love calling people 'Muppet'. Out of the early days there are characters that have stood the test of time, and none more so than Cookie Monster. A monster, a rogue, a glutton, a lovable blue hairy maniac with a childish notion of right and wrong. Sounds a bit like Boris Johnson.
So ingrained in our culture is Cookie Monster that he seems to have spawned a culture dedicated to frivolous excess: anyone who likes to eat or drink in a carefree way is a 'monster', and the blue Muppet has arguably been solely responsible for bringing 'cookie' into UK English.
It was, therefore, with a sense of reverence that I donned my Brainstorm Gear Cookie Monster jersey for my ride out on Sunday. It was enough for me to have those famous goggle-eyes adorning my chest - but to have them on an item of cycling attire was a huge bonus.
Blue, goggle-eyed hairiness aside (I was equally thankful and mildly disappointed that the shirt was not made of fur), the XL sizing was spot on. Being from the U S of A, there are no silly, skinny Italian demi-man sizes going on here. Brainstorm say one size up from your normal shirt size and this advice is sound. A full length zip is always welcome, and there are excellent grippers along the sculpted hem to keep Cookie's cartoon stash in place along the three roomy pockets at the back.
The sleeves are nice and snug, and slightly longer than some other jerseys, which seems to be the fashion these days. I certainly prefer a longer sleeve (more material = better value for money, of course) but as I was wearing arm warmers to fend off the early-morning spring chill, this means there were no irritating gaps for draughts to sneak in. Beneath the arms and down to the hem there is ventilation in the form of clever, wider-spaced panelling. My favourite feature, however, is the slogan "Ride Bike, Eat Cookie!" emblazoned on the back and repeated on the sleeves.
This is, despite appearances, a stylish jersey, brilliantly wacky and nostalgic. It was very popular with fellow riders and other road users, receiving many admiring looks and the odd chant of 'COOKIE'. Maybe the UCI President should have one: what say you, Mr COOKIEson?
Cookie Monster jersey, $89.99 from Brainstormgear.com.
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